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Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Charles Band Presents- FilmGore

Minutes-
Directed by Ken Dixon
Release date- 2011
A fangtastic slimy bloody collection of film clips from several of the most violent horror films ever made. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Driller killers, Blood Feast and Sadistic Slashers are just a few of the grindhouse flicks contained in this mural of mushy innards and bodily fluids!

Now Elvira Hosts and her constant witty comments make the whole damn thing worth while, but can get a lilttle annoying. The first film on the agenda was Blood Feast and it really skeeved me out. Watching that crazy eyed man squeeze bloody organs thru his fingers truly was nauseating- I might of just had a weak stomach moment.
 
 
 
It showed the prime clips from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and let me tell you- I still twitch seeing Pam being hung from that rusty meat hook, but it's all been seen before by almost ever horror fan out there.. Some of the other titles that share up some clips are a bit dark or grainy but you can handle it...be a trooper!
 
 
Two Thousand Maniacs, Carnival of Blood, Dr. Jekyll’s Dungeon of Death, Snuff, Drive In Massacre pretty much rounds up the grindhouse roost that they plucked out for you. Some will have you rolling your eyes while others might spark up a memory or two of when you very first saw it.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Savage Island

Release Date- September 1985


74 minutes

Director- Nicholas Beardsley









Savage Island is one of the films in Full Moons Grindhouse Collection, and Charles Band has gone back to the past and grabbed some flicks that people might enjoy. I for one didn't like this so much. It's kind of false advertisement since a tricked out Linda Blair is on the cover and she is only in the begining and the end of the whole thing.


The storyline is about how a bunch of prison chicks are abducted and then sold as slaves to do grueling hours of work for a nasty South American emerald mine. They figure they need to come up with a plan to break free and exact some sweet, well deserved revenge.


If your into half naked dirty sweaty chicks with super huge 70's bushes- then baby, this is your thang. If not, you might wanna take a rain check....forever. If you like mud wrestling you should take a peek, these girls are fighting everywhere. It seems everyone there wants to be the alpha bitch in this flick!

Monday, December 5, 2011

Pop Punk Zombies

Release Date: 2011
84 Minutes
Directed by: Steve Dayton







A demented music agent gathers up a few of his cronies and heads out to the graveyard where he waits for a recently deceased popular rock band to come out. The zombies crawl out of their graves and they capture them all and decide to market them as a living dead act. The problem is they are hungry and dangerous.

A guy Eddy is forced to head to this bands show with one of his buddies and is not thrilled about it. He wants to jet until he sees he ex girlfriend Lisa there and decides to stick around for awhile so he can drool like a little puppy over her. Her new boyfriend seems like a total doucer and Eddy might possibly have a chance to be in like flynn.


The zombie band takes the stage and blasts out a punk tune while the audience, which few there were- eats it up. Well until they break free and start feeding on everything and everyone. People are running everywhere trying to escape but most are succumbing to being a meal for that rotten flesh of a band.


Now I bet Eddy is really pissed as he fights off these monsters while trying to be some hero for his ex. Will he be able to save the day and get them out alive to break on thru to the outside? Or will there be nothing left but a bunch of body parts and blood smears for the cops to find?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Potpourri

Release Date- October 6, 2011
90 Minutes
Director- Elliot Diviney




I just know when people read that the film Potpourri from Director Elliot Diviney is a horror, musical, zombie apocalypse they might steer clear from it and that my friends would be a huge mistake! The plot is how a bunch of college students need to write their term paper which will then decide whether they will move on in life or be kicked out of school.
 
 
 
 
Here is the fun part, they all invite over the local drug dealer Frankie who doles out the goodies and they all hope to tune into their inner genius. Each kid succumbs to their own trip and Perry has himself as a knight searching for a princess while Marnie learns some lessons from her singing philosophy books.
 
 
 
Frankie drags Noah and Hayden to a killer party where actress Sarah French gives them a piece of her mind. Soon a full on zombie riot is taking place at the party and it's a gory fuckin mess that any horror fiend would love. Potpourri is a jello mind slide that will leave you wanting more, more and did I say more?

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Charles Band Presents: Killer Eye Halloween Haunt

80 Minutes
Director: Charles Band
Release Date 2011
 
 
Cutesy Jenna invites a few hottie friends over to help her decorate the old mansion for new Halloween Haunt. The plan is to get totally wasted and set up some props but she neglects to invite Miss don't wanna get her hands dirty Giselle. I really like looking at films that deal with real or fake haunted attractions.
I just love seeing all of the cool and creative things people corporate into their haunt. I guess it's nostalgia for me, it's the things that make up nightmares that make me smile. So Jenna scares the crap out of Rocky a few times and they all, bitchy Catalina included watch a flick called the Killer Eye.
To get into the fun of things, they sit a replica of the killer eye next to them so it can watch too. Between her mother's voyeur crystal ball and the eye these girls don't stand a chance...or do they? This killer eye makes them turn into total sluts that want to have sex with each other.
Babes are dropping and goo is everywhere from that horny eyeball. Lucky for them Giselle snuck in the window to crash their party and ends up being a huge difference in the outcome of their situation. It's totally a goofy, trashy, B type flick with T&A for all, I'm glad I was able to review it for Full Moon Features.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Hates Haunted Slay Ride

Release Date 2010
1 Hour and 56 Minutes
Director: Warren F. Disbrow



Silent Night, Holy Night where nothing is calm but all is bright with dripping blood. Hate is back in Warren F. Disbrow's new film Hate's  Haunted Slay ride and he is as sarcastic as ever! Last time our boy created the largest mass murder spree in the world where paramedics and cops just couldn't get enough body bags.

Wondering whats in store for us this time? Well I'll give you some of the cookies but none of the milk. Other words I mean I won't give away everything because I hate reading reviews that do. Who the hell wants to watch a movie where you know every little thing that's going to happen?
The surviving victims are in the hospital heavily sedated and guarded from any oncoming attacks from Hate. Do you think that Hate can find his way in there? I wouldn't doubt this crazy creepers ability to get what he wants... trust me he'll find a way! All I can say is you need to grab yourself a copy....pricks.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Afflicted

The Afflicted
85 minutes
Director Jason Stoddard








The Afflicted is a film that will stay with you long after you have finished watching and turn the TV off- you will cringe at the way this mother abuses her children,  it made my stomach hurt. It says it's based on a true story but who knows we all know what happened with The Blair Witch story.

Leslie Easterbrook gives a shockingly real performance of a truly demented and delusional woman named Maggie who slowly loses her wits. With each passing day her peculiar and torturous behavior worsens. Her husband Hank (Kane Hodder) cant take it anymore and tries to leave and winds up in a freezer out in the shed.

The children think their father abandoned them and just up and left one horrible day. For some reason Cathy gets the brunt of the abuse it's heartbreaking to see what she does to her. Maggie just cant seem to slip out of her angered head for even a single moment and you can't help wonder if any of these children will survive her wrath!

Her facade only can last for so long right? Will Maggie get her just deserts or will she prevail and succeed in all of her murder sprees? If I was one of those kids I would of killed her while she slept or I would of gathered the strength to sneak off and tell someone. You have to try in these sort of situations, if not you'll wind up dead.....

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Antfarm Dickhole

 
 
 
I think if I actually had a dick this might have been funnier to me! Antfarm Dickhole from Bill Zebub is a total sleezefest with plenty of tits ass and full on nudity. You can't help but laugh at some if it no matter how hard you try not too. Bill Zebub himself cracked me up in certain parts, like when he is talking to a detective thru his door.
Anyway, a guy who suffers from premature ejaculation while masturbating- not during sex only while waxing one, happens to end up with an army of ants in his pants. The ants decide to take residence inside his manhood and when provoked these buggers will fight for their territory and kick some serious ass.

I know guys out there will have a blast with this since you all seem to love puke, farts and hoochie. You might all wanna get together with a keg, some death metal and just rock out with those cocks out! I'm no prude and found some fun in the film but all you boys out there better keep those zippers tight or you'll be infested by ants by night!

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Los Angeles Ripper


Release Date:
78 Minutes
Directed by: Craig J. McIntyre
A petite timid girl named Kristy White has traveled by train to Los Angeles where she will stay with some seriously dysfunctional family members. Her Cousin Angel was late to pick her up and then when they get to the house her Aunt Peggy makes it clear that she is to help out around there- meaning she has to do it all!
Angel takes Kristy out to party where they bump into the cute Shannon who dances around the place like she owns it. As fucked up fate would have it, they bump into the drugged out freak show Graham who has a horrifying past time of picking up chicks and murdering them while eating some bits of them here and there.
Graham takes a liking to Kristy and in his delusional mind all of the advances from him she has already spurned makes him think she whats him bad...go figure! He starts popping up at places where she is and Kristy gets an inkling of how neurotic he really is. Maybe she should of checked over her shoulder a little bit more often- now he has her.
 
When he getss her to his place, poor Shannon is there and already half beaten and tied to a chair. His friend and fellow sick fuck maniac was more creepy to me than Graham himself. Can Kristy somehow take over this no win situation and live to tell the tale? Or will she become a lifeless mess?

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Mutilation Man

Release Date: December 6, 2011
93 minutes
Directed by: Derek Cole, Shane Cole


Scream and run as fast as you can but there's no way in he'll you'll survive the mutilation man. Directors Derek Cole and Shane Cole put their heads together to create a nice bloody and torturous horror flick titled The Mutilation Man that will rock your socks off .


Roy and his girlfriend Jessica are celebrating their relationship by staying in for a romantic evening together. They sip wine while cozying up and then hit the bedroom to seal the night with some lovin. Jessica gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom. When she comes out she walks straight into a nightmare situation.


The police are desperately scouring the area for someone but they don't know who the hell it is. Could it be that maniac of a man named Malcolm Hayes who is a serious threat to anyone he comes in contact with. The problem with that scenario is that Malcolm died over 10 years ago in a car crash....or did he some how live?

Tied to chairs Roy and Jessica try to figure ways to escape but every time that alarm clock goes off the masked mutilation man come in and tortures each one shamelessly. I don't think the man has a caring bone in his body. If you put yourself in their position- where you are watching your partner be beaten and worse. Will the cops figure it out and save the day? Or will their fate be a slow horrible death?

George: A Zombie Intervention



Release Date- 10/4/11
93 minutes
Directed by- JT Seaton's



In JT Seaton's George: A Zombie Intervention, poor George has got a problem- you see he is unfortunately a zombie now and his friends are sick and tired of him eating people. They all get together and decide to hire a zombie interventionist to help them out with George's eating habits before everyone he knows is turned into a zombie.

As the interventionist really tries to get into George's brain, he spaces out and all of her helpful words become him hearing her saying "eat me" and "I'm succulent." He can't take it so he flees from the room only to return moments later with his trusty hammer and finally gets a taste of that yummy skin.


His ex Sara and her current love Tom are there to help with some moral support. Suddenly he's tied to the bed with one of his legs eaten off. Then George has his own fierce protector Francine who will stop at nothing to keep him safe. Wouldn't everyone out there love to have someone like that by their side?


So as visitors and annoying Mormon's come to the door, they all wind up in between George's lips. Different body parts end up on a plate and you can't help but chuckle. I know a lot of zombie lovers reading this will get a hell of a kick out of this new Horror comedy that was released on October 4Th.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Bite Marks

 
 
Release Date: 11/15/2011
84 minutes
Directed by: Mark Bessenger
 
 
In Mark Besenger's Bite Marks, a comical hitchhiking gay couple Cary and Vogel are on a back packing trip to try and sort out their relationship. Vogel just is a total man whore that can't wait to get his hands on someones...well you know what I mean! If you have a problem with gay men this is not the one for you.
As the two bickering biddies walk the long road,  Vogel gets them a ride from a truck driver named Brewster. As they cram themselves into the cab of the truck, they chit chat and sling some insults at each other. Brewster is carrying a load of 5 coffins in the back so when he reaches his destination he is baffled since there's no funeral home in sight..
 
 
The trucks axle is now broken, so the guy at the shop tells Brewster to come in an call a mechanic. Vogel hears a loud smashing in the back of the truck and opens it. Guess he shouldn't off done that...now there are a few vampires missing from their coffins and they're pretty damned hungry.
I liked this one, these vamps have some new tricks up they're sleeves...well I know I haven't seen any of it before anyway! There are some funny parts in here unless your a straight up prude. So grab your mate and some pop rocks for this one, the urine will fly and do some nice damage too!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

7 Nights of Darkness


Many people are struggling to get by in today's hard world and will take on just about anything to earn some much needed cash, In 7 Nights of Darkness, six reality television contestants spent seven nights in a haunted and abandoned asylum. The prize for them staying the whole time is an even share of a million bucks.
Each contest in the game are so different that many of them clash and bicker. Lina seems to be obsessed with making contact with a spirit while Carter wants to hide under a chair! In the asylum lurks the ghost of a little girl and she might just have some company with her she'd like to introduce to them too- I guess they are tired of being cold and lonely
Weird noises start and soon people are dropping like acid on a hippies tongue. When they good stuff finally begins to happen it'll make you smile because you made it that far. How would you deal in a situation like that? Could you hang all night or would you be begging for them to unlock that damn door?
 
There were a few things I didn't like with this one, like how it was really hard to hear what they were saying. Then there is way too much filler and not enough ghosts or spooky situations. If you liked that ghost show MTV used to broadcast  where you perform tasks inside the haunted location, this could be for you.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Savage

 
 
Release Date- September 20, 2011
87 Minutes
Directed by- Jordan Blum
My what big hairy feet you have- well no really it's that stinky, foul smelling beast that creeps skillfully thru the thick forest foliage in Bear's Falls. Oh wait Bigfoot is just an Urban Legend right? Well take a peek at Jordan Blum's flick Savage and decide for yourself. The lore is alive and slashing people up left and right!
Gabrielle and her hot headed husband Richard just so happen to set up camp in those very woods after a very unfortunate incident concerning them and the law. The Ranger Owen receives a call to head out to the forest where the firemen were trying to put out  an out of control fire and bumps into the couple.
A gut feeling has Owen checking them out and learns that they're wanted and goes back out to the woods to take them into custody. The problem is when he gets there, it's a freakin bloody mess. He locates Gabrielle who is with the Sasquatch hunter and the scientist working on his project and are desperately  fighting for survival.

Savage had some really cool moments where this beast just seems to defy gravity with a swiftness an Olympic hopeful could only dream about having. I also liked it's aggressive explosive behavior that certainly made you think that you'd never want to run into that fucker some dark night- that's for damn sure!
 
 
 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

1 In The Gun

Release date- November 8, 2011
93 Minutes
Directed by- Rolfe Kanefsky
Katrina Webb seems to think she has the world and everyone in it by the balls, but there has to be someone out there that can resist her charms...right? One afternoon she runs into an artist named Mickey (literally) and invites him to her mansion to meet her hubby. Luckily for him Arthur hires him on the spot.
Mickey moves into the little guest house and soon Katrina is working her skills on him and reeling him in with a quickness. How can this man be so naive and gullible? Could there be something he is hiding himself? Maybe he has his own little game to play? Perhaps some hidden agenda?
1 In The Gun is a tripped out mind fuck off a film that actually makes you wonder for a bit what the hell is going on. Your brain will more than likely click and you'll get it. It was a treat to review and I loved all the freaky characters and places. It's rare you get sucked into the madness of the situations - you will here!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Predatory Instinct

 
 
 
Release Date:
96 minutes
Director- Daniel Alexander
Predatory Instinct is an independent film directed by Daniel Alexander and has a run time of 96 minutes. Now what you need to know right off the bat is that this is a B movie with minimal effects and some weird cave people looking predators. These things love to eat, and eat people they will!
Trish works at a bar/ restaurant trying to survive on a shitty pay and dealing with some perverted co-workers. Her friend slash hostess of the joint named Randy becomes charmed by a customer named Everett who seemed to just ooze with seduction for her and she so wants to go back to his place and begs hers friends to go as well.
Everett's house is spectacular and the drugs flow freely whether it be pills, pot- what have you it's available and ready for consumption. There is no desire to truly party here it's more of a mechanism to make their guests not so sharp in the noggin when it's time for the kill.

After awhile things don't seem to be adding up with certain people and you just wonder if they might be somehow in on this horrible scene. But wouldn't you know if one of your own was an animal craving bloody flesh? Maybe they have taught themselves to hide it?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Few Brains More: Summer of Blood




Christine Parker is back in the blood with her new flick A Few Brains More where the story of zombie Lily and Jack from Fistful of Brains continues in the 70's where they fight Dead Eye and his hippie flesh monsters. This time Dead Eye heads to the concert and rolls up in an ice cream truck and hands out free green treats that will turn everyone into a hungry zombie who needs a meal in the worst fuckin way! Lily and Jack are back to take on Dead Eye- hopefully for the last time.
A bunch of college kids are so ready for their weekend break so they can head out to a rock festival that's equivalent to likes of Woodstock. All of them are raring to let loose and embrace the whole peace, pot and microdot lifestyle. I could not stand Smiley and wanted to crawl thru the screen and smack his goofy annoying face but when he has an unfortunate run in with a band of bikers I wanted to help him...go figure. Jasmine is a cute blond who takes a liking to Jack when the gang picks them up hitch hiking.
After the people ingest the tonic and there are hundreds of zombies everywhere the name of the game becomes how to make it out of there alive. Lily is pretty bad assed and busts up just about everything that gets in her way but can the others keep up the pace? You all remember hearing how
Woodstock had the whole "Don't eat the brown acid" scare well this time around be sure not to mess with anything green! You'll get a kick out of this zombie fest for sure, and while your at it check out the first film titled A Fistful of Brains!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Strigoli

 

Faye Jackson's debut film Strigoli was filmed in several different locations in Romania and has a beautiful yet dreary atmosphere. A guy named Vlad gets a case of the curiosity kills the cat syndrome and starts to search for answers to a very mysterious death in his grandpa's little village.
Things just don't seem to be adding up, yet no one around him seems to give a shit. Could it be that they were somehow involved or perhaps they know something he does not? You can tell by watching that there is certainly a big secret being hidden but what the hell could it be and how does everyone know but him?

Vlad starts questioning different people in the village until he comes across Mr. Constantin Tirescu who seems to have a sudden problem with filling his severe hunger. His wife walks into a neighbors house and eats her out of house and home while trying to soothe her rumbling tummy- but food will not fill them anymore.
Is this feud really because of who actually owns the land? I mean the deeds and papers were either forged or his grandfather lied and sold the land behind their backs. Could he do something like that to his own family? You'll soon find that Constantine isn't the only one around craving some warm blood!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

ICrime



Carrie skips out of home and shows up at her cousin Stephy's house to stay for awhile and hopefully get a decent job. Stephy is your typical bulimic blond from hickville that made out well for herself by sleeping her way the top- ands it seems like she still is! Carrie has an online boyfriend Gavin who she amuses herself with when she is lonely.
Hanging around watching her cousin fuck up isn't her thing and ever since she worked for her favorite Internet star Jordan and she turned out to be super bitch- she's just plain bored. Jordan stages a kidnap on her web show and has fans guessing if it's real or fake. Cassie is hired by a popular website that exposes celebrity dirt to find her.
 
ICrime is a modern thriller with more turns then a Halloween corn maze and a stylish sleek Hollywood eye on how shit really goes down there. Shows that people will do just about anything to have their five minutes of fame and that money definitely motivates people to do crazy/ stupid things.


Carries life is barreling out of control and nothing is really what it seems... is it? Can this situation get any more fucked up than it already is? Is anyone who they say they are? Or are they somehow all a bunch of weird ass individuals with some serious ass mental problems? You'll have to pick up ICrime to find out! Haha....

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Echo Game

Directed by Brian Feeney
80 minutes
Release date- September 27, 2011
It starts with a woman Rachel quickly scribbling a letter out to her former flame then mailing it warning of the dangers.that are coming her way. April Reilly receives her letter and is confused since Rachel died over ten years ago. Turns out Rachel went on the run to protect April and their daughter Sarah from an evil woman named Anne Cassavettes.

This woman was the wife of a mad scientist who bought children to a special school and strengthened their powers so they could use them for whatever they liked. Anne figures out that Sarah is Rachel's daughter and is soon hunting her down so she can steal the girl's psychic powers for herself.
Anne is relentless and ruthless when it comes to claiming an echo and blood and guts are everywhere! There are plenty of nail biting cat and mouse moments where you don't know if the hungry jaws will get to clench the bait or not. The other cool thing is April's wife Casey is a special effects artist at Gore Girlz and her skills might just come in handy!
 
 
 
The Echo Game was a breath of fresh air blown into your typical horror/thriller film and that made it very enjoyable. Do you believe in ESP or any other psychic powers? I think anything is possible but have never experienced anything or anyone that had these remarkable powers or as others say, a curse!

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Back to the Beyond






Who doesn't love a good ghost story? I will admit they are some of my favorites to review, definitely over zombies that's for sure. Back to the Beyond has a team of paranormal investigators that head out to a house that is rumored to be haunted and the owners life's are falling apart because of it.

The past of the house concerns a jealous husband and his wife Elsbeth. The Captain came home from sea and found another man at the house and lost it. Flying into a rage he kills them both and then hangs himself in the attic with the same rope he used on his ship. As the team waits to board the ferry Juliann's sister Jasmine refuses to go.

They all arrive at the house and find one of Cassandras students tied to a chair in the basement. Soon they all receive a visit from the ominous Captain searching for his dear Elsbeth so he can teach her a lesson again and again! So will this team be able to live to tell the tale and show their data? Or are they shark bait?









Tuesday, August 23, 2011

BLOOD FROM THE UNDERGROUND Anthology IM IN IT pick one up!

Check Out This BLOOD FROM THE UNDERGROUND Anthology!


Product Description
Blood From the Underground is an anthology consisting of all stories found in the annual downloads in parts I, II, and III.

Authors that will be found in this anthology: G.L Giles, James Patrick Riser, Elizadeth Hetherington, David Dunwoody, BellaDonna Drakul, Edwin Ong, Josh Felty, Eric Enck, Reaper M. Jones, Daniel Emery Taylor, Vance Hetherington, Josh Loomis, Nenad Stakic, Jerry Williams, Robert Freese, Jessica Lee, Dave Wolff, Kristin Theckston, and Lucas McPherson.


Infernal Dreams presents Blood From the Underground as a proud collective of unique and outstanding stories from various authors and artists of horror. There are twenty-four stories with varying subjects and graphic content.

ttp://www.amazon.com/Blood-Underground-Anthology-Infernal-ebook/dp/B005FZ0X7A
http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Underground-Anthology-Infernal-ebook/dp/B005FZ0X7A







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Sunday, August 21, 2011

'Caesar and Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre





Chamber) and Paul Chomicki star as the title halfwit half brothers. They are joined by cult stars, Brinke Stevens, Joe Estevez, CKY lead singer Deron Miller. The movie also stars Felissa Rose in a role that lampoons her performance as a transgender killer in the original "Sleepaway Camp".



"If Harry and Lloyd from 'Dumb and Dumber' happened upon 'Sleepaway Camp,' you'd essentially get 'Caesar and Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre,' a comedy horror that succeeds in pulling delivering raucous laughs" says Film Threat’s Felix Vasquez Jr. It has been called "funny and unashamed" by Dread Central, and "like Abbott and Costello meets something from the Troma vault" by Horrornews.net.



This indie comedy received acclaim at the 2009 Fright Night Film Festival, and a best editing award at the same year’s Long Island Film Festival.



The DVD contains over six hours of content, including:

* three commentaries

* several featurettes and

* a bonus short sequel, "Caesar & Otto Meet Dracula’s Lawyer" which features cameos from Lloyd Kaufman, Debbie Rochon, Paul Ehlers (Madman), Desiree Gould (Sleepaway Camp) and Robert Lee Oliver (star of Flesh Eating Mothers).



Director Campfield is currently in post production on "Caesar & Otto’s Deadly Xmas". The feature length sequel send up of the Christmas slasher subgenre features an appearance from Silent Night, Deadly Night ‘s Linnea Quigley.



"Caesar and Otto’s Summer Camp Massacre" is currently available for pre-order at most on-line DVD retailers.

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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Vs. the Dead



Danny Druker and his two friends Dee and Woody are downing beers at the local pizza joint where they annoy the hell out of its owner. They tell him if he gets a tattoo of this skull they drew up, they'll leave and never return to irk the shit out of him- the man couldn't get out of the shop fast enough to hit that parlor!


A deadly virus round 2 ends up in the small Canadian City and at the tattoo shop where patrons will be in for a nasty zombified surprise. So after getting inked up he returns to the shop and looks horrible. Next thing you know there's one groody changing and the pizza shop is covered in body splatter!

Basically most of the film takes place inside the pizza place, it's the whole one infects the next one sort of thing- one bite and you are a goner. Dee is creepy looking in himself so once he gets that virus, he's enough to make your skin crawl. The boys and worker Marcus sit him at a table with a rag around his neck...are you serious?

Is it another independently made zombie flick...yes. Do we really need another one... no! Can you deal with yet another one? If you are into checking out these crazy flesh biters- this is one you'll enjoy with it's tons of blood, crude humor, and some serious fucking epic slayings! I did like how it spread thru getting inked!





Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver

Release date- Sept 14th
Directed by- William Butler and Silvia St. Croix





Run as fast as you can cause here comes the perverted and murderous gingerdead man. Yup he's back in Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver and he's been thrown back to the year 1976. He finds himself at the roller rink with dancing skates everywhere and a need to kill in the corniest ways possible.

So there's a roller boogie going on and a contest for a queen. Jeffrey and Tammy are usually each years winners and she is expecting that crown. Kooky Aunt Nancy owns the joint and tells Randy that her niece Cherry is not allowed to skate and of course they do. Cherry thinks she keeps seeing a gingerbread man but it just seems too crazy for her.

Watching you'll see parts that mock Silence of the lambs and Stephen King's Carrie- those are kind of humorous but this movie was not a prime contender for a good watch. I usually love all the weird puppets but even those couldn't save this one. If you are a fan of the gingerdead man you might get thru it.


Can the kids figure out that this baked bitch needs to get sent back to his own time so they can toast his ass? Or will a rink full of skating fools all end up in a big red puddle? Sometimes some things are better left alone and unfortunately this film slides swiftly into that same category.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Evil Bong 3 The Wrath of Bong




Just when you thought the guys couldn't get in another situation as kooky as the last- your proven wrong...again! A man finds a pot pod of sorts and presses a button releasing Alien Bong which he runs to sell at the clinic/head shop. They buy it and Bachman can't wait to fire it up in this new out out of site alien bong.!

Alistar is wandering thru the forest when he comes across it and thinks is a meteor and starts taking readings. Suddenly he realizes it's made of pot and then Larnell dressed as a ninja comes chopping out of the bushes.They decide to go see Bachman at his marijuana clinic with some prime samples of course




So he tries the alien weed and starts growing fuzz afterwords he is sucked inside of the bong and has four multi colored women standing topless before him. They want his...um, seed and will drain him if neccessary. The guys enlist the help of Eebee the foul mouthed bong who I love very, very much for help.

The theatrical version that is being shown in select towns will be in 3D and in groovy Sniff-o-Rama. If your not a stoner I don't think you'll even wanna try it- and if you are, it's an ok watch but doesn't hold as much charm as the first two flicks in this series. It said at the end that the next would have a killa' crack pipe- will you watch it?

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Coffin

Release date: 8/30/2011

84 Minutes
Directed by: Ekachai Uekrongtham
Not Rated





Ekachai Uekrongtham's film The Coffin was a smash hit over in Thailand and is actually based on a real life ritual that is practiced. Part of the movie was shot on Ancient Thai spiritual grounds and that in itself could be creepy enough for most of the various timid viewers sitting around out there.
Su was devastated to find out she has lung cancer and only a few days before her wedding. This should be a happy time- who could even begin to function after learning that? Then there is Chris, a complete stranger whose girlfriend has fallen into a sudden deep coma. They both travel to the place where the ritual is performed with hopes of a changed future.

The ritual has the living person lying in a coffin in order for them to reverse the bad karma- both take part in a mass ritual and soon their lives have turned over, with the cancer gone and Chris's love wakes up from that deep slumber. The trick here is there is always a price to pay... with everything!

The people around these two might just be the ones hurt instead. The film casts a dark eerie setting with beautiful vivid scenes that dance before your eyes. Would you dare take part in a ritual that could help your luck but create bad for others? If you see the freaky paranormal events that occur, you might just change your mind to that prior question.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Accused at 17

Accused at 17
Release date: August 2, 2011







We all know how women can be catty as hell but teen girls are just plain mean and cruel. Back stabbing, instigating, while some are just rotten to their hardened core. Accused at 17 showcases all of these attributes plus some down right nastiness that will having you want to grab a hold of a few of those girls and smack them upside the head.


Bianca is dating school hottie Chad and their relationship seems just peachy until he goes to a party without her. Chad is in the bathroom and little trampy Dory sidles in and offers herself up and he greedily takes it. The next day word is all over and Bianca is heart broken and disgusted.





While lounging pool side over at Fallon's, the girls decide they want to teach Dory a lesson. Fallon and Sara pick up Dory saying their going to this killer frat party then they really meet up with Bianca at a deserted dirt road. They call her names, but Dory could care less and punches Bianca in the face.

After a slight scuffle Bianca leaves for home since Fallon and Sara say they will leave Dory to walk all the way home. An unfortunate incident occurs leaving Dory lifeless and when her body is discovered Bianca is the suspect for her murder. Will Fallon and Sara ever come clean? Or will Bianca rot away in prison for a crime she didn't commit?

Friday, July 29, 2011

Ceaser and Otto's Summercamp Massacre



Ceaser and Otto's Summercamp Massacre
Release Date: October 4, 2011
Directed by: David Campfield

Ceaser and Otto's Summercamp Massacre has to be one of the best side splitting comedy/horror films out there at the moment. I nearly pee'd my pants and seriously think that David Campfield should try his hand at stand up...the guy is a natural. Just think he could be the next Tosh.O!
Ceaser gets himself into a little bit of trouble and decides him and Otto need to skip town and then they become camp counselors at Camp Sun Smile. After being briefed by their douch bag camp director Jerry, they sent up in tents. Hard ass Carrie shows up (Felissa Rose) and people are dropping like a beat from Eminem's mouth.
I can not stress how fun of a flick this movie really was. Even my girlfriend Donna lee could handle it...well maybe not but she'd laugh her damn ass off. You can't not laugh it's just goofy as hell and forces you to giggle. No, it's not Bernie Mac or Jeff Dunham but the man has some skills.
The counselors are all running scared or dead so do you think the duo manage to stooge their way out of this one? Or will Otto's belly never see a donut again? Could Carrie really be swinging the axe or could it maybe be someone else? You'll never know if Ceaser truns into mince meat if you don't break down and buy it!
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.caesarandotto.com%2F&h=BAQD3AqvL

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Closed for the Season

Release date- August 23rd

90 minutes
Directed by- Jay Woelfel
Not rated









I don't know why I love carnivals and rides so much but I could never get enough of them until I was diagnosed with a heart problem. Now I am not allowed to go on all those crazy thrilling rides with drops and turns....Bastards!  I am also very attracted to old run down asylums but that's another story to tell some other time.

Closed for the Season was filmed in Ohio's old abandoned Chippewa Lake park. The park is a haunted site with many incidents dating back to 1870. The main point I have is that director Jay Woelfel is a freakin genius with the plot he came up with- sure there are many movies that have someone trapped somewhere but not done like this





Aimee wakes up trapped within the park and seems to be living the places memories. She needs to find a way to escape it's evil clutches, but is that even possible when no matter how she tries to get out there is always a catch. There has to be a way out somehow, right? The Carnie torments and antagonizes her every step of the way.

She knocks on a door for help and a guy answers and tries to help her figure out the game this twisted clown is playing with her. I adored this film and know I will be blabbing my mouth to anyone who will listen to me telling them the have to buy and check out Closed for the Season! I know I will be watching it again and again....



Thursday, July 21, 2011

Asylum Seekers

Directed by: Rania Ajami
Release date: 8/23/2011 90 Minutes
NOT RATED








Who would think that crazy would become the new sane- but you'll see a fine example of this in  Rania Ajami's Asylum Seekers. I sat on the couch completely transfixed with awe at it's Willy Wonk on angel dust type of feel. It's rare that something special and unique comes past a reviewers nose but this film was just fucking awesome!

Now the well dressed Dr. Raby seems to be some sort of tourettes freak who just bursts out with the craziest sounds and statements, while Maude is a housewife admitted by her husband. Miranda loves and thinks people are always staring at her so she always is putting on a show just in case and teenager Alice is a cyber nut who craves knowledge and technology.

Alan is an androgenis rapper and Paul is a war freak and wants to take over everything including the asylum. All of the characters above are competing to get the very last bed in the place. Now for nurse Milly in her staunch white uniform and two companions Minnie and Micky I really wish they had bigger parts but trust me they're around enough to make an impact.

I can bet my ass that this movie will become a huge cult classic- what's not to love? There is plenty of weird, odd, kooky, and clever things that will reel you in like a fat bass on some sad fisher mans hook! I really recommend Asylum Seekers for everyone who is into the strange and different, this film is the cherry on top of a three ring freak show.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Exit 33

83 Minutes
Release date: 8/2/2011

NOT RATED









I was disappointed with this film- I don't know if it was from all of the hype and I expected too much, or just from the plain fact that is a tired old storyline. Five friends are all hyped up about heading too their five year class reunion and to cut time out of their trip they will take Exit 33. Eva and her man Dax leave before Angie while their pothead rocker chick friend will meet them there.

Angie throws a fit when Matt tells her he isn't going so she takes off without him. Ike’s Last Chance Gas is right off of Exit 33 and most people try and hit it up so they don't run out and end up stranded somewhere. Ike is very tall and very intimidating but people love his homemade beef jerky. Hmmm, wonder what it's made of?

The whole flick is him torturing his victims and grabbing out their eyes for his collection. Through out the movie Ike has flashbacks that make you see why he wants and loves those eyes. It's pretty predictable but Kane Hodder pulls off his role well with his lurking bulk of a figure and stony stoic expression.

If you want the same old southern style off horror grits you'll ride this one out smoothly, if not your going to get a little antsy at times when it seems just a little bit drawn out. So since Matt left after all of his friends do you think he'll be able to save any of them? Or will he just become another wad of meat in the jerky?

Friday, July 15, 2011

Ninjas VS. Vampires




release date: 5/3/ 2011
89 minutes



First off... I wanted to slit my wrists when this came to me for a review, I would rather gouge my eyes out and then use it as a Frisbee. Now see, that's where a lot of us are prejudice and wrong- sometimes when we judge the film by it's cover or even the storyline we end up very wrong...Ninjas vs. Vampires fell perfectly in the category for me- it rocked!

It starts with a nerdy guy named Aaron video taping his close friend Alex then he tells her he wants more than just a friendship. Before she can finish crushing his heart with that devastating no, Vampires come out of nowhere and start to make a meal out of Aaron- well until the crafty Ninjas show up and save the day...for now!

Alex wakes up at home devastated at what she remembers then guess who knocks at the door? Yup Aaron. After being thoroughly freaked and the whole situation is explained they are off trying to figure it all out piece by piece magic included. The budget for this was low and the effects are kinda hokey but it held my attention and drawled me in with the story.

It has some fun dialog and the classic battle of good vs. evil. So the cold hearted vampire overlord Seth plots to annihilate mankind and it's up to Aaron to save his one true love Alex who is being held captive as bait. Can these ninjas change him into a fighting machine or is Alex bound to be doomed forever?

Friday, July 1, 2011

Shatter Kinder A Smut Saga Volume 3 ADULTS ONLY

Author: Gori Suture
ISBN: 1451592086
Publisher: Inside Henry's Head
 
 

At first I was a little put off by all the notes at the bottom to explain certain terms or situations but it only lasts a few chapters and it's totally necessary for the reader to really get a glimpse into this magnificent world Gori Suture has created. Most authors create stories with people and their fucked up situations but Shatter Kinder are these furry hoofed beings with a whole mind blowing world for your eager mind to explore. I can almost guarantee that most of you have never feasted your eyes on such a crazy and utterly unique storyline. 
 
Mordecio and Astothan are twin shatter kinder who are destined to be the angel of death to those who are ready to go. There are rules at Paradox and Mordecio has a hell of a time following them since he actually has feelings and disagrees with the way things are dealt with. Many hardships and emotional set backs have ruined him and he doesn't want to be a reaper of death. They run off and try to live life on their own while trying to heal the Queens sickly daughter.
 
Their many escapades there will keep you interested and have you saying to yourself "Where the hell does she come up with this?" A totally amazing read! If your not into very kinky/ odd sex or maybe you are a total prude, well this book is not for you- Miss Suture is very descriptive will have your dainty asses passed out on the floor!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Trilogy of Blood

 
 
 
Directed by- Charlie Ruckus and Rick Kelley
27 Minutes
Release Date 2011
 
 
I posted as my facebook status last night that I was getting ready to do my review of the horror flick Trilogy of Blood and a fellow reviewer said it was so bad he decided not to even review it. So I think to myself what the hell is wrong with me since I kinda enjoyed the crazy 62 dollar budget of a horror film?
 
So here we have Marilyn (Brenna Lee Roth), Connie, and Sherry who are all taking a little road trip and do the one thing everyone always warns you never to do and that's pick up a damn hitch hiker. Sherry is pissed and doesn't want the freak in her car so she tells them if he touches her she kicking their asses! She says it a couple times and cracks me up- I really liked her character .
 
They are invited by their passenger to a barn dance that will be a total blast with plenty of food and beer. Marilyn convinces the girls to stop and get a bite and a brewsky and it soon turns out the free food might just be them. I guess Connie and Marilyn were in the mood to flirt with the boys and it turns out to be a bad move.
 
Once they get started the blood continuously flows and cannibals munch up on all the new meat! The film was totally thought up by the DEAD NEKS founder/singer Joey "Fangface" Broy a few years back and it looks like it all fell into place nicely. Word on the street is there's another one on the way....

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Bloodlust Zombies

80 Minutes
Release Date: 7/5/2011
Directed by: Dan Lantz
Bloodlust Zombies is one of the funniest zombie flicks I've seen in awhile, I was actually disappointed when it was over. Adult film star Alexis Texas who has been in such movie as Swap Meat, Ass Trap, Pornstar Work Out and Self Service stars. She is cute as hell and eventually one zombie slashing bitch! 
Zlantoff Industries have been developing a formula designed for the purpose of having the military's enemies turn into raving maniacs who will rip each other apart. A false alarm has the compound on lock down and no one can leave till the situation it cleared. Then a lab cat turns the situation around and soon members of the plant are raging zombies.

I absolutely adored the character Darren, he cracked my ass up! He was witty and always had something to say. The head of the project Judy was an older woman whose husband was killed in the military so this virus is her baby. The old coot that owns the whole plant is Bobby lee and Andrea is his trusty "suck"retary.


I was just looking up a character's name since I lost my notes and read a very unflattering review for the film. Don't listen to it- take a chance and check it out. Yes it's low budget, campy, and little drawn out at times but over all it's a pretty damn cool zombie flick! It's corny as hell and that's what makes it a smash!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Strangers Online









Not rated
106 Minutes
The sexy voiced Hollis Parker is the host of a radio/web nightly program called Strangers Online that certainly proves that the freaks definitely come out at night.These strangers come in all shapes. races and with some weird ass fetishes. It's like the Jerry Springer circus of the night time world. 
A cute blond named Karen is hired as the new intern for the station and it seems she harbors a crush on the Latin host and starts with sneaking glances until finally getting him to her place where of course she gets into his pants. He immediately wishes it never happened and goes home to scrub himself raw with regret.

Karen does not care in the least that Hollis is seriously involved with a woman and will do whatever it takes to get her man. Then there's the weird peeping tom neighbor Zeke, could he be a threat to the couple as well? Everyone seems to think Hollis murdered his ex-wife and people even come on his show re-enacting the death.
Strangers Online does keep you guessing and leaves you interested in the plot. The acting goes smooth and the two main characters have awesome chemistry so there's no stiff awkward sex scenes to endure- it's all smooth sailing. Now as sex talk host Hollis' life run's reckless will he ever be able repair it and just move on?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Wisconsin Project X

 
 
 
 
OK, Wisconsin Project X was unbelievably cool and I recommend it to anyone who likes/ loves zombies! The film takes place in the very small town of Wisconsinville, Montana when a scientist named Dr. Winston is feverishly working on a new experiment that of course goes horribly wrong.
 
Dumb ass was trying to develop a new type of preservative for the booming snack cake industry and accidentally creates this artificial living organism that turns people into humanoids so now the town is crawling with them. The few smart ones band together and get ready for a bloody showdown.
The thing I like the best was the little differences like the special effects for instance they were fucking cool as hell and I enjoyed the simplicity of it all. It totally works for the film and just might have you saying that was pretty damn cool! I couldn't tell you the technicalities of it all since I know nothing about that department!
 
You just have to take a peek, I mean if you end up not liking it all you gotta do is shut the darn TV off. Seriously if you like the zombies, this film will have you whooping it up while inspiring you to make you own horror flick. Budgets are tight at times but creativity seems to overflow in this one.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Anniversary at Shallow Creek

89 minutes
Directed by- Jon D. Wagner
 
 
 
 
 
 
Anniversary at Shallow Creek slams into you like a runaway freight train from about 2 minutes in till the very end. Sam and Page are a young couple very much in love who decide to take a little vacation to relax and forget about grueling medical school for awhile. Four of their very close friends join them for some fun.
 
Unbeknown-st to them the previous year the house they are now staying in was the scene of a  double murder and of course the killer was never caught. Now this killer is a sharp shooting son of a bitch who enjoys using his sniper rifle. Soon the bodies start falling and the killer doesn't stop at the gun, knives will slice as well.
 
It's great to watch a film that has you go "Damn!" within the first five minutes. Now while their trying to chill and enjoy each others company a young boy knocks on the door stating that his parents are out- can he stay with them? I would of said you better go find another stinkin babysitter brat!   
 
I will admit I would of liked it a lot better if they didn't add one particular element but I can't tell or it will ruin the film for you. Let's just say that sometime's a single answer is better than a dual one. The film is totally worth viewing with a few unexpected jumps that give you heart a little boost.