It's that time of year where fall is almost over and those grouchy relatives wanna come to your house and eat up all your food and you gotta put on the forced smile and pretend you even enjoy being in their company...yup Thanksgiving. Well if you've enough of that shit just call in the killer turkey from the film ThanksKilling. This film is destined to become a horror cult classic!
Let me get this out first so you understand what exactly what you are getting yourself into. This movie is stupid as hell so you need a sense of humor to enjoy it and that's exactly what I did. It was a boring Friday night so I popped it in and the next thing you know my sides were hurting from the comical situations this damn killer turkey was in.
My favorite part was when the turkey went to Kirsten's house looking for her and her Dad answers the door dressed up as a turkey for his annual costume party. They sit there at the dinner table sipping coffee while chatting and the turkey has on these black eyeglasses, it was just hysterical to me. Finally the turkey has had it and adds daddy to the victims list.
I don't want to give to much away but this little bugger takes a Que from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre in one scene and then maybe the Toxic Avenger in another. You just have to see it to believe it. The gang needs to find the turkey in his tee-pee and spout out a spell while finally burning the turkey at the stake. Can they kill this turkey that seems completely unstoppable?
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Serial: Amoral Uprising
It’s sad to see how a mother’s influence can truly rotten a child’s soul and Kevin Jamison’s Serial Amoral Uprising shows just that. Trenton Bracks had to deal with a cold hearted bitch of a drugged out alcoholic mother who honestly didn’t want anything to do with him unless it was to hurl insults and rip his self esteem to shreds.
It’s a shame that his father was so docile and didn’t do something about her obnoxious behavior, it might of helped. Trenton’s psyche and self worth might of survived. I guess after all that mental demeaning the poor kid was destined to be bad, she totally stole the boys innocence. So now Trenton is getting out of his confinement and he is picked up by his buddy Porter and they head off to local bar to let off some steam.
The film shows why Trenton is the way he is and who could really blame the guy for being the woman hater he is, the treatment he received was something no child should ever have to endure. There are scenes of the bloodied bodies he had left along the highway but not many showing him doing it. But that’s ok since starting in 2010 they are starting to shoot a longer more detailed film.
Kevin Jamison has a knack for getting you emotionally involved with the characters, I mean you want to shelter Trenton and you want to butcher his bitch of a mother. Serial Amoral Uprising is the budding of a man that will not compromise his feelings for anyone, not even his best friend. I look forward to seeing how the feature length film turns out.
It’s a shame that his father was so docile and didn’t do something about her obnoxious behavior, it might of helped. Trenton’s psyche and self worth might of survived. I guess after all that mental demeaning the poor kid was destined to be bad, she totally stole the boys innocence. So now Trenton is getting out of his confinement and he is picked up by his buddy Porter and they head off to local bar to let off some steam.
The film shows why Trenton is the way he is and who could really blame the guy for being the woman hater he is, the treatment he received was something no child should ever have to endure. There are scenes of the bloodied bodies he had left along the highway but not many showing him doing it. But that’s ok since starting in 2010 they are starting to shoot a longer more detailed film.
Kevin Jamison has a knack for getting you emotionally involved with the characters, I mean you want to shelter Trenton and you want to butcher his bitch of a mother. Serial Amoral Uprising is the budding of a man that will not compromise his feelings for anyone, not even his best friend. I look forward to seeing how the feature length film turns out.
Orphan
I can't imagine having to deliver a stillborn baby, it has to be one of the most traumatizing things for a woman to go thru and poor Kate recently has. Devastated by loss, her and her husband John decide to adopt a child and love her as much as they would their own. When they go to the Orphanage they cross paths with the charming Esther who just seems to know all the right things to say.
They decide to adopt her and bring her home to meet Daniel and younger sister Max who is deaf. Max and Esther quickly bond while Daniel is totally leery of her. Esther is just one of those just to good to be true cases since she is evil and rotten to the core. At school she doesn't socially fit in and at home is the place for her to fester while she paints or plots her next move.
All of the sudden kids are getting hurt, people have died and little clues start to lead you to the monster that resides inside of her. Esther makes the movies The Good Son, and Joshua seem tame in comparison.The build up in this movie is intense and then all comes together like the snow at the top of the hill that quickly rolls down turning into this massive ball on the way.
Kate knows that Esther is crazy but can't seem to convince John no matter how hard she tries. Will this poor family survive the terror that this little girl so easily inflicts? The story here is steady and strong with a twist that makes you think about how you didn't pick this up somehow sooner? But you probably never would of guessed anyway because it fits in so perfectly.
They decide to adopt her and bring her home to meet Daniel and younger sister Max who is deaf. Max and Esther quickly bond while Daniel is totally leery of her. Esther is just one of those just to good to be true cases since she is evil and rotten to the core. At school she doesn't socially fit in and at home is the place for her to fester while she paints or plots her next move.
All of the sudden kids are getting hurt, people have died and little clues start to lead you to the monster that resides inside of her. Esther makes the movies The Good Son, and Joshua seem tame in comparison.The build up in this movie is intense and then all comes together like the snow at the top of the hill that quickly rolls down turning into this massive ball on the way.
Kate knows that Esther is crazy but can't seem to convince John no matter how hard she tries. Will this poor family survive the terror that this little girl so easily inflicts? The story here is steady and strong with a twist that makes you think about how you didn't pick this up somehow sooner? But you probably never would of guessed anyway because it fits in so perfectly.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Hanger
OMG! If you want to watch Hanger you better bring your own barf bag, it’s one of the most over the top disgusting films I have seen in a long time. In it Rose (Debbie Rochon) is a pregnant hooker who’s pimp wanted her to abort that unborn baby since it was bad for business and would make her a fat pig. Her pimp Leroy shows up wanting his money and tells her she better get it soon or else she’s gonna be beat.
The one man that seems to care for her is one of her customers who also turns out to be the baby’s daddy. Leroy catches Rose trying to leave town and grabs a shiny coat hanger and shoves it deep inside of her causing the baby to abort itself. You get a full frontal shot of this up close and personal and it was so gross it made my own womanly insides cringe at the thought of that being done to my uterus. I think I threw up a little in my mouth watching!
Then it’s eighteen years later and Hanger is all grown up and deformed and goes to live with his daddy. He gets a job with a bunch of other freaks in this scrap yard kind of place and makes a friend with the scary looking Chinese guy named Russell who has a bloody used tampon fetish. The other guy at work is a total jerk and tells Hanger he is just a bottom feeder so get used to it.
Well this guy one day dresses up like Santa and delivers Hanger and Russell a pizza.
Here that Pizza was laced with drugs that knocked them out and the guy rapes both of them. When he rams Hanger he pushes plenty of fecal material out that smushes all over him and the guys penis like melted chocolate in the hot sun. I was totally skeeved so the scene definitely achieved what it aimed to. Hanger is ready to avenge his mom’s death along with his father so Leroy better watch out. Can these two make this bastard pay for what he has done? Or will Leroy get the upper hand and off them both?
The one man that seems to care for her is one of her customers who also turns out to be the baby’s daddy. Leroy catches Rose trying to leave town and grabs a shiny coat hanger and shoves it deep inside of her causing the baby to abort itself. You get a full frontal shot of this up close and personal and it was so gross it made my own womanly insides cringe at the thought of that being done to my uterus. I think I threw up a little in my mouth watching!
Then it’s eighteen years later and Hanger is all grown up and deformed and goes to live with his daddy. He gets a job with a bunch of other freaks in this scrap yard kind of place and makes a friend with the scary looking Chinese guy named Russell who has a bloody used tampon fetish. The other guy at work is a total jerk and tells Hanger he is just a bottom feeder so get used to it.
Well this guy one day dresses up like Santa and delivers Hanger and Russell a pizza.
Here that Pizza was laced with drugs that knocked them out and the guy rapes both of them. When he rams Hanger he pushes plenty of fecal material out that smushes all over him and the guys penis like melted chocolate in the hot sun. I was totally skeeved so the scene definitely achieved what it aimed to. Hanger is ready to avenge his mom’s death along with his father so Leroy better watch out. Can these two make this bastard pay for what he has done? Or will Leroy get the upper hand and off them both?
God of Vampires
God of Vampires started with a blow out murder suicide, what’s a better way to start than that? Here we have the professional killer Frank Ng who has been contacted by a weird little bald man to kill a Chinese crime lord. He goes in thinking this will be just like any other job and that he’ll ace it and then be on his way but this guys got a secret, he’s a vampire.
So now the hitman is in a weird situation and feels like the prey instead of being the one in charge. These vampires are a little different from the normal vamps and leave everyone around them a bloody mess of nothingness. These guys are no joke and go after anyone that Frank Ng knows or comes into contact with. They have the scent of hunting dogs.
So knowing that his hitman skills just won’t be all that will do the trick to extinguish these cold blooded killers with fangs, he gets the help of a Chinese man who knows all of the tricks of the trade on ancient Chinese lore. They slash thru many vampires on their way to kill the main one who is the deadliest of them all and might just take their lives from them.
God of Vampires have plenty of blood and gore along with many fighting scenes to amp you up for the finale of Frank and the God of Vampires himself. Can he finish this intense creature off without being killed or turned into a vamp himself? Or will Frank become a distant memory of a hitman the used to be the best around town?
So now the hitman is in a weird situation and feels like the prey instead of being the one in charge. These vampires are a little different from the normal vamps and leave everyone around them a bloody mess of nothingness. These guys are no joke and go after anyone that Frank Ng knows or comes into contact with. They have the scent of hunting dogs.
So knowing that his hitman skills just won’t be all that will do the trick to extinguish these cold blooded killers with fangs, he gets the help of a Chinese man who knows all of the tricks of the trade on ancient Chinese lore. They slash thru many vampires on their way to kill the main one who is the deadliest of them all and might just take their lives from them.
God of Vampires have plenty of blood and gore along with many fighting scenes to amp you up for the finale of Frank and the God of Vampires himself. Can he finish this intense creature off without being killed or turned into a vamp himself? Or will Frank become a distant memory of a hitman the used to be the best around town?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Skullheads
An eccentric family lives in a humongous beautiful castle where there are valuables and treasures nestled all over the place. Daughter Naomi is a weird one and this is because the poor girl isn’t allowed to do anything. If she is caught with trivial things like a cell phone or an ipod she is taken down to the dungeon and tortured for it.
One day the cook takes one of the sheep from their farm and cooks it up for dinner and Peter the older half brother takes it very badly and spends the whole dinner sobbing hysterically at the table until Naomi gives him a stuffed animal. The Dad Carver couldn’t wait to tell Peter that it was their sheep since he has a very mean streak running thru him.
Well the cooped up Naomi is estacic when three Hollywood people come to the door just about begging to use their castle for a movie. Carver just about tells them to screw off and that’s the end of it! Well Naomi who craves attention talks her mom into it and then all hell breaks loose. Dinner is crazy and then it turns out these movie producers aren’t there for a film shoot at all.
I guess these fools wish they would of known about the Skullheads that guard the castle and this freaky family. Of course these cool little guys are what make the movie, I really wish there was more scenes with them in it. It was funny how the one was peeking around the corner smoking a joint. Skullheads is your typical Charles Band movie so you won’t be disappointed
One day the cook takes one of the sheep from their farm and cooks it up for dinner and Peter the older half brother takes it very badly and spends the whole dinner sobbing hysterically at the table until Naomi gives him a stuffed animal. The Dad Carver couldn’t wait to tell Peter that it was their sheep since he has a very mean streak running thru him.
Well the cooped up Naomi is estacic when three Hollywood people come to the door just about begging to use their castle for a movie. Carver just about tells them to screw off and that’s the end of it! Well Naomi who craves attention talks her mom into it and then all hell breaks loose. Dinner is crazy and then it turns out these movie producers aren’t there for a film shoot at all.
I guess these fools wish they would of known about the Skullheads that guard the castle and this freaky family. Of course these cool little guys are what make the movie, I really wish there was more scenes with them in it. It was funny how the one was peeking around the corner smoking a joint. Skullheads is your typical Charles Band movie so you won’t be disappointed
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Albino Farm
Albino Farm is another film about an urban legend with a bunch of freaky inbred misfits that love to grab a hold of the tourists and perhaps eat them for dinner. For a project, four college students are out in the Ozark Mountain town when they start to discuss this local legend. The town also has a century old group of religious fanatics.
Well It seems that the kids get kinda off the project and more into the town legend as they go along. Naturally curiosity gets at them and they decide they just have to go off and explore in those woods for the freaks themselves. If they were smart they would of stuck with just listening to all the horrible stories instead of trying to actually relive it.
Now creeping around they have to face some real life horrors of the most disturbing kind. Body parts are placed in spots and you have to wonder do they like to gnaw on them for a treat? Can these kids escape their terrible fate with maybe some minor cuts and bruises? Or will they end up being a part of some inbreds diet?
I think scariest thing in the whole movie was Bianca Barnett’s character pig bitch. Now she was some inbred looking animal with a pig face and a seemingly a strong sexual appetite. I wouldn’t want to bump into her ass anywhere! Yuk, I was amazed at how well she seemed to skeeve me out in the very short time she was on film.
Well It seems that the kids get kinda off the project and more into the town legend as they go along. Naturally curiosity gets at them and they decide they just have to go off and explore in those woods for the freaks themselves. If they were smart they would of stuck with just listening to all the horrible stories instead of trying to actually relive it.
Now creeping around they have to face some real life horrors of the most disturbing kind. Body parts are placed in spots and you have to wonder do they like to gnaw on them for a treat? Can these kids escape their terrible fate with maybe some minor cuts and bruises? Or will they end up being a part of some inbreds diet?
I think scariest thing in the whole movie was Bianca Barnett’s character pig bitch. Now she was some inbred looking animal with a pig face and a seemingly a strong sexual appetite. I wouldn’t want to bump into her ass anywhere! Yuk, I was amazed at how well she seemed to skeeve me out in the very short time she was on film.
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