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Thursday, February 26, 2009

Attack of the Giant Leeches

This movie was so stupid and ridiculas yet I loved it! Attack of the Giant Leeches should of been shown up on the big screen at the drive in while kids snuggled in their pajama's in the backseat of the car shoving popcorn down their throats. As they lie there with the fat dog blues they look up there and see these leeches that almost looked like a black wrinkled inner tube tires as they wiggled around looking for it's next meal making juicy slurping sounds.

I read a review prior to viewing it and they said it looked like giant dicks crawling around. Well I don't know who in the hell has a dick that looks like that. No resemblance what so ever. Now everything is cheesy from the acting to the special effects. But that's what makes it so damn lovable. If a group of your friends got together and had few drinks you would be all loving Attack of the Giant Leeches corniness.

Gracie the smart mouth borderline feminist's father is Professor Everett who knows a thing or two when it comes to science. So when people start turning up dead at the swamp with red hickey like marks all over the place and no blood left in their bodies he is determined to figure it all out. Scott the one who know is the care taker of this lovely marsh is trying his hardest to get on Gracie's good side and in her pants.

After the gang figures it out and they now know they are dealing with giant leeches they set to a plan that just might work at getting rid of those suckers with out hurting any of the wetland creatures. So when the Professor rigs up a stick of dynamite made from a certain formula that will do just what they need. It's hysterical as they sit in the canoe trying to look serious as they rocked the boat themselves. I know this movie will cheer up your dull day.

3 outta 5 slashes!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Poison Ivy 4

Now Available on DVD and On Demand

Release Date January 20, 2009

Synopsis- Freshman, Danielle “Daisy” Brooks’ first few days at the prestigious Berkshire College are the best ever until she learns the truth about the exclusive campus society she has been asked to join. Hot-blooded temptresses with cold- blooded ambition, The Ivies will seduce, blackmail, or do away with anyone who gets in their way…even if it’s one of their own. Soon Danielle’s education at the hands of the Ivies, becomes a study guide in Survival 101!

The Seduction continues…

Daisy leaves her country bumpin town and heads to Berkshire College where she is the only freshman in a prestigious class. Her grades are above average so you would think that she’d be smart enough not to fall for some guys fake charm that he uses to get in everyone’s pants. Blake is her Professors son and has probably nailed half of the college by now.

The very secretive club of the Ivies move in on her with motive and add Daisy to their pledge list. Now all the Ivies are from money and when they start spoiling her with new clothes, a phone, and a makeover Daisy can’t but help fall for their charm. Poor Daisy doesn’t know the sharks she is swimming with. Azalea, queen bitch is used to getting what she wants and she wants what Daisy has.

The Ivies are a sisterhood, a family away from home and you must never cross your sisters. If you do there will be severe consequences. These girls aren’t afraid to lie, cheat ,steal, or even blow a car up to get what they want or to even up the score with some revenge. Daisy’s roommate Magenta tries to subtly warn her of what she is getting herself into but it just doesn’t sink in until it’s to late.

I know Poison Ivy 4 is aimed at teens with it’s whole being part of a click in college and many sex scenes but I liked it. Azalea was catty and liked to use her hips and lips to get what she wanted, and you wonder where will this snob draw the line? Does she even have a conscious? Can she cement her status in stone or will she be just a memory to the halls of Berkshire College?

3 outta 5 slashes

Monday, February 23, 2009

The Vampire Diaries Part 1: Thicker than Water

Phil Messerer is a freakin genius! The Vampire Diaries Part 1: Thicker than water is going to have you glued to the screen and if you aren’t, then you have something severely wrong with you. This film is a burst of fresh air and even though it’s about vampires the storyline is amazing and quite different than what you are used to. I give this film a full five slashes because yes, it’s that damn good.

This dark horror comedy has the gothed out Lara who despises her prissy twin sisters ways and sometimes wishes she would just fall from the planet and be done with already. Lara has a shrine of Anne Rice in her closet where she does a spell against her sister. Well soon after her sister Helen suffers a massive nose bleed that caused so much blood loss she lies in bed pale and frail as the doctor tells her mother she just needs some rest and she’ll be fine.

It’s great how the family is so dysfunctional that they all decide to help Helen stay alive by supplying her victims since she has a rare blood disease that makes her ache for that hot gush of metallic liquid to flow from her fangs down her throat. I actually can’t even dredge up one negative comment because that is just how much I liked it. I have been shouting from my rooftop that everyone needs to grab this.

I can not wait for the next installment of this series. I am addicted after seeing such madness take place in a household. As a mother what would you do when your beautiful perfect daughter becomes a monster? Do you just kill her and be done with it? Or would you figure out a way to keep her well fed and try to keep this bloody secret under wraps?

Helen’s brother Raymond is a very intelligent student of science who keeps a stack of gay porn under his bed that he thinks no one knows about. He morphs from a geeky Bill Ny the science guy type into a confident man eating shark who has no qualms about feeding his sister. I am almost positive that you will be hearing much more about this exciting film. Screw Twilight, The Vampire Diaries deserves to be reckoned with!

5 outta 5 slashes!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Cookies and Cream

An attractive dark haired woman Carmen is walking home from what seems like college classes and is trying to mind her own business when three guys in a van pull up and start filming and talking to her. At first she ignores them but they are persistent stating they are making a documentary for school on human behavior and they needed a certain amount of people interviewed to pass.

They convince her to talk to them and she climbs cautiously inside the van and sits next to a guy. In today’s world, I don’t know if I could be persuaded to get in with them, I watch and review to many horror films to just trust someone enough to get in the car. Well here it has nothing to do with school, the point of this ride is she is offered cash to go down on the guy back there.

After she accepts the challenge she ends up meeting and mingling with those involved in the video and decides to have her own adult website which she titles cookies and cream. Carmen is trying to settle down but needs the website to take care of her daughter. After dating a steady stream of jerks she meets Dillon who is a good guy and wants to get to know her better.

Each time she would go to bring up the subject that she has this site, something would happen and she’s get side tracked. Do you think Dillon will care that she does porn? Or can he accept it and love her for who she truly is? As their relationship progresses you see that he is perfect for her and you want them to work out. She final musters up enough courage and tells him, what do you think he says?

3 outta 5 slashes!

Robert Newman's Clown was released on Friday the 13th


On a warm weekend in June, a group of friends venture to the mountains for a weekend getaway. No parents, no professors, just pure unadulterated fun and games. Little do they know, they’re not alone. Out in the wilderness, just a stone’s throw away at the edge of the tree line, there is a dark presence waiting and watching the group. One of the main protagonists, Rachel is the first to realize that there is peril in the woods beyond the rickety old cabin, where they’ll be sleeping. Josh (who wants nothing more than to have the nerve to approach Rachel and tell her how much he adores her) politely humors her and her worries of them never making it home again. The rest of the group however, laughs off her comments about the rustling in the bushes, the sounds of crazy laughter, and the shadows that keep moving around. Is she just crazy, or are they going to be picked off one by one?


Robert Newman interview-

IMDB link-

The Bed

An agitated man roams the streets peering into shop windows desperately looking for a reasonably priced bed, and is having no such luck. After aimlessly wandering around he comes across an old second hand store owned by a gray haired old man who is sucking on his pipe. The old man asks what the man is looking for and after finding out tells him has just the thing for him. Taking him to the back he shows him this little single bed with a wooden frame saying it would be good for a perfect nights sleep. When the bed is delivered the man is more than ready to try it out.

As he quickly assemble's the bed he cuts his finger and it runs down the bed's wooden frame. Almost as soon as his head hits the pillow he has fallen asleep, I guess the weird old man wasn't so bad after all. Or was he? The man starts having these terrible realistic nightmares that are scaring the lights out of him. Each time he wakes up he falls right back asleep and into another terrifying gripping nightmare. Could this bed be giving him bad dreams? All he wanted was to catch a few z's and instead he winds up in a battle for his life.

3 outta 5 slashes

Shade of Grey

Think about it we’ve all been to one at some point in our life, whether it be for a sleazy one night stand, a romantic night with your spouse, or to get together with a few friends and party your asses off. Shade of Grey has a little bit of all of that floating around within those silent bedroom walls. Imagine if walls could talk what they would say, Shade of Grey is those walls talking to you- telling you their story.

Jakob Bilinski has a knack for the camera and some scenes are almost artistic with it’s bright colored lights. During the film a few different people’s stories are played out before you. This room has seen happiness to sadness, lust and deceit. One young couple are obviously in love as they hole up in the room worrying about how her father will react to her impending bad news.

Another couple that use the room have been there many times from when the got married to years later when things aren’t running so smoothly anymore. It’s sad to see how heartbroken the wife is when she finds out what he has been doing for years behind her back, and to make it worse he did it in the room that they have shared much happiness in.

A few more people are involved in the storyline that kinda ties them all together because of the room. Nicole is a blonde who is in love with a married man and sits in the room with her friend Ashley as they have idle chit chat. Should Nicole really be involved with this taken man? It doesn’t matter since she loves him, perhaps she loves him a little too much!

Saturday, February 14, 2009

10 Dead Men

Ryan was like a contracted killer until things went terribly wrong. You see Ryan quit living that life when he met and fell in love with Amy. He was trying so hard to be a normal man within normal circumstances but and old employer of his Hart thinks that he is going to make Ryan pay for trying to remove himself and there is a past debt that just needs to be paid.

Ten men got together and by the sadistic Hart’s word they brought Ryan’s girlfriend to the abandoned building where they had him and proceeded to murder her right before his eyes. Shot and left for dead he somehow manages the strength to crawl over to one man’s place called Axl. He knows Axl can help him find the others and make them all pay for what they did to Amy and his chance for the whole white picket fence life.

I was listening to the narrator in this film and kept saying to myself this man’s voice sounds so familiar, and here it is my beloved Pinhead himself Doug Bradley from Hellraiser. I love the man’s British accent and the way he delivers the story it’s perfect. Now as Ryan slaughters each of the men he takes a little souvenir from each and puts it in a plastic ziploc bag.

So this see thru bloody bag contains some fingers, a zippo lighter, a nose and whatever else he feels like cutting off and keeping. Ryan can’t believe that he tried to change his old ways and instead he was betrayed and now his life is crumbling apart before his very sad and tired eyes. Can he manage to deliver each of these bastard men safely to hell before subcumbing to his own madness?

3 outta 5 slashes!

10,000 A.D. Legend Of The Black Pearl

Many years from now after the world brought about the apocalypse, a new culture arose to take on the land and tried to live life. It also divided into two warring tribes the Huron and the Plaebian. The Huron’s women have fled and it almost drives the men to mingle with the Plaebians but that is forbidden. The scenery in this film is absolutely breathtaking. From the lush forests, beautiful waterfalls and white sand beaches.

The Plaebians are all about rebuilding society and trying to tame the wilderness while the Hurons are turning into the warriors their ancestors would want them to train to be. Kurupi is the chosen one, the one who must fight Sinasu. Kurupi is not a warrior so Ergo tells him he will be his mentor and the one to teach him how to fight so he can kill the wicked Sinasu.

This movie was so far off my movie watching path it wasn’t even funny. I didn’t want to watch it but was obligated to and guess what, I fully enjoyed this film. Watching Kurupi train to be a warrior had many men involved in fighting him and he smoked the peace pipe so he would have vision on how to become one with the land and to learn what his ancestors would tell him.

Each time someone was killed a big rock that looked like pink quartz would appear and Kurupi would line them in this circular position. He needs to achieve the goal of acquiring the black pearl that has power and would balance out the poles. If Kurupi fails to defend himself and kill the Sinasu when he comes for him the Herons will die, and the whole world will die along with them.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Splatter Movie

An independent film crew all get together at a local haunted attraction to make a low budget slasher movie. Slowly the crew and actors are being offed one by one by the killer who is pretending to be part of the crew. Could it really be one of the many actors that Amy has invited to participate in her newest bloody creation? Splatter Movie's fun filled cast includes Elske McCain, Sofiya Smiranova, Tom Sullivan, Nikki McCrae, and Amy herself. As you watch the whole thing becomes a movie within a movie- does that even make sense? It will when you see it.

Amy Lynn Best is a trained dancer and actress who has been involved within the film making scene since back in 1997, where she produced and starred in Mike Watt's short "Tenants." You might remember Amy from seeing her in about a dozen B movies such as "Severe Injuries", "Loaded Dice", and "A Feast Of Flesh". Through out the film Amy along with the other actors give you some accounts of their experiences, whether it be good or bad you'll hear it. I was surprised to see that Debbi Rochon had an accident on set that caused her to have scars on her fingers and hand.

People like me need to realize how much effort goes into making a film. You have professionals and then you have idiots that use real weapons on a set never thinking of all the real horrors they could have on their hands like a lawsuit or even a severe injury! I know plenty of people and critics alike moan that they could make a better movie themselves when watching some of these independently produced films. If these complainers agreed to this challenge and tried to make their own flick, they would finally realize how much preparation and hard work go into making these films.

I enjoyed Splatter Movie a lot and think that most horror movie fans out there would get a kick out of seeing the shots being set up, or even the stars walking around the haunted attraction filming footage of its spooky hallways and rooms that are set up for the customers that will arrive when Halloween rolls around. Amy knows what it takes to get the job done and does it with ease as well as expertise. This film will blend fiction with reality and then disappear completely. The killer is hell bent on reaching his own deadline of slashing everyone in sight to bloody bits!

3 outta 5 slashes...

Red Victoria (2009)

88 Minutes
Release date 2/10/09

Jim is having a hell of a time trying to sell his screenplays. So his agent calls him up and forces him against his wishes to write a horror script. After seriously struggling for ideas he invites his friend Carl over to help him out. Carl is a die hard horror fan who is trying to give him some tips but has no experience or desire to write. So after seriously struggling for ideas his undead muse Victoria shows up.

Victoria reminded me of a goth Shelly Long from Cheers only she was dead. She refuses to leave until he gets crackin on that horror script. Jim can’t handle Victoria’s ways of working since she is killing off his family and friends as examples. Slowly Jim and Victoria start to grow on each other, well slightly anyway. Sometime’s Victoria is seen as how she looked before she died and at others you see now as a member of the undead. When Victoria first shows up it’s totally gooey and gory.

Jim is tired and goes to his bedroom to lay down, only there is the outline of a body underneath the comforter. When he quickly pulls it back he sees the dead rotting corpse of his muse. She stands up and her insides fall out, it was freakin awesome! Parts of it also had me busting out laughing and I thought this was a great combo of horror and comedy, it balanced out well. Red

Victoria was wickedly funny and had me sitting full tilt to find out what was going to occur next! Jim’s dead editor/ muse has many tricks up her twisted sleeve to entertain you with. When the movie starts Jim just doesn’t find anything to be scary enough to startle him, even his friend hiding and busting out of closets. In the end will Jim finally know what it’s like to be scared?

I give this movie 5 Slashes!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Slashers Gone Wild

Indie horror film Slashers Gone Wild was about how a bunch of crazed serial killers are battling for the title of slasher of the year which includes immortality. Slasher’s inc. C.E.O. Alicia is a bodacious blonde who loves her job and seems to have a little mean streak of her own. Robyn Griggs (who I swear was in Murder Is like Sex) plays Alicia the hostess for this whole race to see who is the most horrible serial killer out there right now.

Our first glimpse at Rob Thrasher the slasher shows us a sick sadistic son of a bitch who is amused at his own crafty killings, he comes equipped with his very own Jason type hockey mask that has “Recycle or Death” on it. You see, Rob can not tolerate a litter bug! He is very go green and if you try to put trash on the ground you’ll end up 6ft under rotting away way faster then that Styrofoam cup you shouldn’t of dropped.

Nursery Rhyme Jack is a dirty old gray haired man in a flannel shirt. If you saw him hanging around your neighbor hood you would probably claim he was weird but harmless- trust me he’s gross. His favorite snack food was squirrel brains, well human ones too. Then you meet Lunatic Bob who loves to show the world just how gruesome he can be on the Truth or Dare game show he host’s with this sick pair of chicks Lady Fingers and massacre Mary.

Carlos the gardener was taught how to be a serial killer from Rob Thrasher but didn’t really seem to be as into it as much as these other weapon wielding maniacs, but he is new to the scene and I am sure he’ll get his routine down pat soon. Then there’s Kevin “Maggot Face” Tooler who was so funky looking he’d always wears this sack over his face, maybe he should pop some of those thrill kill pills and try and catch up to the rest of those boys!

I liked watching these kooks try and out kill each other. Some of the gory grossness was actually starting to turn my belly a little. There is tons of splattering blood, a gory leg cut off and some naked booty’s running around as well. Slasher’s Gone Wild is not a film to take seriously but it’s a horror fan’s idea of a freakin killer way to spend 78 minutes and director Rob Avery should be proud of all 20 the victims since they go in various disgusting ways!